Really, it’s not you. It’s me.

Against my better judgement, I participated in one of those Facebook surveys (I know, don’t you hate people like me – I swear I’ve only done this once or twice) where you get to discover your “animal spirit” or something like that.  I couldn’t help it.  A lot of my friends were churning up photos of spewing llamas on their status page, and I secretly wanted to prove that my animal would be way cooler.  So, after answering about ten questions meant to sum up all the esoteric particles of my scintillating personality, up pops a pic of this awesome dude (um, see above – do I have to point out everything?)  Oh yeah, Baby, I’m a Jaguar!!  Jaguars are definitely cool!  Although, I picture myself more of the black kind stalking Mowgli before he safely reaches the village (don’t start with me, black panthers are jaguars).  Jaguars do all kinds of cool things.  They hang out in trees….alone.  They hunt prey at night…..alone.  They love to swim…..alone.  Okay, so maybe they aren’t sociable like the llama, but at least they don’t spit, right?

Believe it or not, I think this feckless, mind-muddling, ten-question FB survey is actually on to something.

I marched with the band in high school, but I technically, couldn’t be called a “band geek” because I also sang and danced in the school musical, helped publish the school magazine and volunteered with the Key Club.  In college I studied with the broadcasting, film and theater majors, slam-danced with the hardcore musicians, played quarters with the football players and booed Buckner with the Red Sox fans.  Now, as an adult, I still find myself floating in and out of social groups who have all been very welcoming, but I just don’t feel like I fit in with any of them.  Did I mention that jaguars are known to be very solitary animals?

What’s wrong with me?  Why do I keep lounging around in trees by myself?  My husband comes from a family of nine brothers and sisters.  He says he never really needs to feel like he’s part of a group because, when you’re in a big family, you are always part of a group.  Well, I have a family too.  I’m a part of that group…..so why have I always toyed with the idea that I was adopted?

Maybe what I’m searching for is definition.  Yeah, that’s the ticket.  Maybe this is why I hate filling out applications and blog “about me” pages.  I’m a Wife, check.  I’m a Mom, check.  I’m a Step Mom, check.  I’m a Special Needs Mom, check.  I’m a Writer, check.  I’m a Musician, check.  I’m a Christian, check.  I Hate all politicians,  check (except for the local commissioner who keeps showing up at my door and asking me to vote for him which I’ll be happy to do because he helped get the township pool built and it’s really awesome with a lazy river and all these slides….)  I’m a Korean Exchange Student Host, check.  I’m a Caterer, check.  I’m an Entertainment Business Has-Been, check.  I’m a Loner Sitting At My Laptop Spilling the Beans to No On in Particular Blogger, check.  I’m a freakin’ Solitary, Standoffish, Thinks-They’re-So-Great-Because-They-Look-Cool Jaguar.  Check!

Sigh.  I don’t care if they spit and the yarn spun from their undercoats make me itch.  Alpacas are intelligent, well-socialized, friendly and pleasant to be around, and they like to hang out with each other.  Why can’t I be a freakin’ llama?!

I need to retake that $%$%@&!  *Bob Saget survey!!

*(see my “Why I Have a Potty Mouth” post – do I have to point out everything?)

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One thought on “Really, it’s not you. It’s me.

  1. I think I would be a jaguar too. Some people are just loners I think. That is probably why God gave us husband’s and kids…to make it impossible to get alone time (even in the bathroom). 😉

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