Once Upon a Mattress…

Aside

Sorry, this blog post is about to explode into a temper tantrum……..Um……Ah….Grrrrr……Ooooo……..AGUAAAGOOGOOGAGA!!!

DOES ANYONE, KNOW HOW TO DO THEIR #@!&# JOB???!!!!!

My husband decided to do some spring cleaning which, unfortunately, usually requires my involvement, as in, “Hon, would you help me lug this queen-sized mattress and box spring up 3 flights of stairs, across the swamped out backyard full of alligators, through the four foot high flea-infested front lawn and sling it onto the curb without slamming into the neighbor’s precious BMW or knocking over the Harley that belongs to the friendly but rather raucous crack house across the street?”

So after a few broken fingers, head-rattling concussions, foot-long gashes and loudly murmured “BOB SAGETS!”, the mattress patiently waits for the trash truck to carry it to its final destination.

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A few days later, it’s still waiting….

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And a few weeks later.  IT’S. STILL. “@ONADGA%#(#*%BOB SAGET!!!!!” WAITING THERE!!!!!!

Yes, we made arrangements with the trash collectors beforehand.  Yes, my husband contacted the dispatcher every day – her name’s, Savannah, and they’re expecting their first baby in October.  Yes, I posted on Angie’s List and gave them an “F” Rating.  Then. Just as I was about to file with the BBB.  The mattress vanished.

Not really sure if it was our official trash collectors, though, because some savvy neighbor got their hands on the box spring a few days earlier.

The thing is, this isn’t just a tale about a mattress.

I wouldn’t have been so upset if I hadn’t just spent the past week dealing with other situations where people either didn’t do their job, messed up the job, or weren’t even available to mess up the job.

Do you see the unwelcome trend here?

Here is my theory, which has prevented me from reaching through the receiver and sadistically plucking every nose hair from the Bungler Du Jour on the other end:

1) Company carries a glut of managerial dead weight and a small set of “little workers” who actually possess skills

2) Company needs to make more money to pay their CEOs

3) Company shuffles around deadweight and dumps more work on little workers without compensation, along with the phrase “Hey, at least you still have a job!”

4) Little Worker tells frustrated consumer on the phone, “Hey, at least I’m still on the line feeding you bull$@(%!”

End of theory and rant.

Speaking of work……….I better get back to my job, before someone tries to pluck out my nose hairs.

 

Will Work for Food

I am not a good motivator.

I can’t even motivate myself…have you seen the dates on my last blogs? Of course you haven’t, because I haven’t been motivated enough to network for more readers.

Money motivates me to some extent, therefore I work, but in a very blasé, unmotivated fashion. As in, I work from my bed. I wake up, get the kids to school, then lie on my bed and work on the computer. Sometimes I get dressed.

Hunger motivates me to arise from the bed and shuffle a few steps to the refrigerator, which is only a few feet away in the kitchen right. outside. my bedroom. I AM motivated to do this several times a day, but I’m not sure that bad habits/food addiction/boredom really count as proper motivational tools in the How to Be a Motivator Rule Book.

Soooo….with my point demonstrated and grossly overstated, let me move on to my dilemma over motivating my unemployed husband to arise from the couch.

He lost his job 9 months ago after working for my family’s business that went OUT of business. Same ol’ same ol’ Main Street story in America these days – highly qualified, over-skilled fifty-something competing with entry level college grads for some 70 hr/week understaffed job that pays a little higher than minimum wage. My husband sends out about 10 resumes a day into cyberspace, has received about 5 excited calls about his resume with no follow up calls and NO INTERVIEWS. So, yeah, he kind of doesn’t feel like getting up off the couch.
I’d let him stay in bed, but this is my domain.
Oh, and also, his mom died.
And his dad will probably soon follow, considering he’s on a few borrowed months’ time with stage 4 cancer.

Comcast put out a wonderfully helpful article entitled, “Is Your Job Search Getting You Down?” that suggests the prospective job hunter surround himself with positive motivational people.

I don’t know any Suzy Sunshinesspongebob. Do you?

Excuse me while I put on my slippers and shuffle into the kitchen for a bag of Cheetos.